I find that too much description in a novel is boring as hell. It can be very important for an author to let you know the specifics. So, what do you do if you need to let the reader know that Sam the janitor has a beard, long hair, blue eyes, and thick bushy eyebrows? My preference is to allow characters to reveal information about themselves and other characters, but I often see the narrator tirelessly giving lines and lines of details without any character conversation.
What if we did something like this?
Shawn and Jessica are chatting by the lockers outside of the gym as Sam the janitor walks by.
“Look at him Jes! He is so weird, with his beard and long hair.”
“I don’t know. He’s kinda cute, and he just looks so honest and kind.”
“Are you kidding? Look at his thick serial killer eyebrows. You can’t trust anyone with eyebrows like that.”
“No, no. Shawn, look at him. Look at his big, beautiful, piercing blue eyes.”
Some people might argue that this does not give an adequate description. Maybe the reader wants to know that the eyebrows are one whole inch tall, and the length of the eyebrow hair is actually one inch long as well. My feeling is that since thick eyebrows are subjective, why not let the reader imagine how thick those eyebrows are. Instead of wasting lines of narrative description on Sam the janitor, we have managed to build two characters and describe a third.
What are you thoughts?
What makes a moment sensual when it is written? Is it:
- A muscled man kissing a heaving chested woman with a ripped dress
- Warm chocolate sauce with some strawberries
- A deep emotional connection followed by a sexual climax
In my view, this is a bit of trick question. All of these things can make for a sensual moment, but the one and only thing that is truly needed for a sensual moment is the setting. Even if we take sex or the possibility of sex out of the equation, a sensual moment can still happen.
What if we take the Cinderella story as an example?
Cinderella is at the ball, longing for her Prince. They run off to the kitchen together; the staff all left at 11:30pm. They are alone. Cindy puts a single drop of honey on the Prince’s big fat lower lip. He stares into her eyes, waiting, simply waiting. She grabs his shirt collar, pulling him towards her. She places her two lips over his lower lip and sucks it off, her eyes still locked with his. He grabs her waist and places her on top of the counter, placing himself between her legs. Cindy grabs a near by bowl of chocolate sauce, dips her finger into it and slowly licks it all the way from bottom to top. The Prince sees a small spoon, places it in the bowl and pulls it out to dribble it onto her neck. He is kisses the chocolate sauce off her neck, while moving from the base up to her ear. Cindy runs her nails up under his shirt, feeling his rippled chest, and the Prince barely manages a steady hand while he works his way up from her leg from knee to thigh to her warm . . .
Cindy looks at the clock, 11:59pm. She wants the Prince so bad, but within a minute she will be exposed as a fraud. She runs. “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry. I must go.”
“Please wait. Please . . . no.”
While writing this, we are taking for granted that the reader knows the Cinderella story and knows that the she will need to leave before midnight. We have also established that it is after 11:30pm. We have given the couple a very small window to consummate their relationship, so the reader knows that sex is not likely to happen, but the reader might still be hopeful. Adding something other than sex to create a sensual moment can heighten the writing as well. In this case, we are trying to use food to help heighten the moment. Risk, danger, a bit of S&M light, are also things that can help to add to this sort of situation.
In this case, it feels as though setting has made a big difference. If we take out the sensuality of food, the moment might lose its spark. If they are in the Prince’s bed is it still sensual? Again, something is lost. Also, if the sexuality is too overt, the sensuality is lost. What if the Prince props Cindy up on a table in the dance hall while everyone watches him taking her? That might be exciting for some, but it is not sensual; it is just sexual. Sexuality is raw and dirty. Sensuality should be written more pure, as a moment, a bond between two people that will continue on.
What are you thoughts?
