Sometimes the details can captivate. A few days ago, I said that too much description from the narrator can be a bad thing, and now I’m saying a lot of extra unnecessary details can make for a good story. In both posts I want to get across that the delivery is what is important.
If the details speak to the type of character, you can likely give superfluous details without boring the reader.
What if we try something like this?
I am sitting with James before the meeting. He can’t stop talking about Christina and how beautiful she is. I have never met her before, but the thought of meeting this young, beautiful woman is very enticing.
In the meeting, I sit directly across from her. She has beautiful crystal blue eyes and light brown hair. Her skin is pale, lips and breast are full, and she is in great shape. I want her, bad. She slides her hands across the keyboard. Oh gawd. Her hands; they are hideous. She has ugly fingers, and her nails are bent, broken, misshapen, and discolored.
I can barely look in her direction. The ugly from her hands is creeping up her wrists, through her arms, and all over her body. It is like an infection, visibly moving up a vain, directly to the heart and through the body, until the pretty is entirely dead. Who could ever find her attractive with nails like that?
Your narrator, who is a part of this story, is instantly struck by the beauty of this young woman in his presence, a woman that is considered beautiful by other people. He gets really hung up on her unhealthy nails. This should be a minor issue, so it really speaks to our narrator’s mindset. With these details, I have attempted to show a character who has hang ups. Our narrator hasn’t just given details about a woman. If the woman had unhealthy nails, it wouldn’t matter. The bad nails only matter because of the insight we get into the narrator’s character.
What are your thoughts?
